Gah....

Just feeling very restless this morning, and very antsy, for no reason really. PMS is kicking my butt here, and I'm really anxious. I hate this. I hate being all sorts of squirrelly for no reason except an overactive imagination and bad dreams.

It's not that I want him to NOT tell me...

But it is hard to laugh and blow off the situation when John relays a bit of fun at the end of a mission. I understand, honestly, how funny it is to look at the stupid Hajis and laugh, since I've done it, but wow.

As a wife, I tend to get a bit queasy.

As a soldier, I get jealous. I still go through fits of "OMG! This is so POINTLESS!!111!!eleventy-one!11!"

Ah well. Work tomorrow.

Been a while...

Very tired and a bit desolate tonight. Missing John, as usual, and so tired I could cry. Just exhausted and trying to get this art project done.

Gah. Tired and cranky. Need to sleep.

That, and I'm SO TIRED of listening to people bitch about how dumb this country is. How awful and horrible and how we're all just eeebil and stupid and every bad name in the book because we're conservatives.

In the past two days, I've seen rants that basically say any monotheistic religion is a monstronsity and that no matter what anyone says, they're pretty much evil.

I'm so tired of it. So tired of it all.

I guess it's only tolerance when you get to tolerate what you like?

And for a quick bit of linkage before bed...

Well, it appears the love and tolerance crowd is out and about in London.

The Australians have warned their Muslim population about doing stupid things in the name of being annoyed with the Pontiff.

"We live in a world of terrorism where evil acts are being regularly perpetrated in the name of your faith," Mr Robb said at the Sydney conference.

"And because it is your faith that is being invoked as justification for these evil acts, it is your problem.

"You can't wish it away, or ignore it, just because it has been caused by others.

"Instead, speak up and condemn terrorism, defend your role in the way of life that we all share here in Australia."

Okay, so...when are we going to take a page from Australia's book?

Tired and a little sad tonight...

Missed the 5k this morning, because yours truly is...blonde. I wrote down the wrong mission.

I am ditzy.

I am also just missing John right now, very badly. Just wish I could have him rub my back and cuddle me and tell me things will be fine.

Not that anything's wrong, just missing my husband.

Going to a hot place in a woven container...

The LawDog Files: Comments

I think that, despite the fact that I'll get called all sorts of names, I might post this on my LJ.

I love the fact that I can have opinions, as long as they're the "right" ones. Ever notice how folx who scream about the "right" trying to tell the world how to live are just as willing to let everyone know how they think we should live. I guess it's okay to do that as long as you've got the "right" worldview. Or would that be the "left" worldview?

I worry....

Probably too much.

I worry about John, mostly. How's he holding up? What's he doing for relaxation? How's the conquering of the world coming? Stuff like that.

I worry about the fact that we're still going to be separated after he gets home from Iraq because of OCS and OBC and all that jazz, but at least we'll be in the same time zone and we can actually call each other in the evenings without having to worry about lines and about time limits and the like.

*sigh* That day can come any time now....

He called me today, but sadly I wasn't out of class yet. I don't get out until 1045 my time, or 1945 his time, and he called at 1038 or so. Bummer. He sounded really down, so I'm worried.

I love you, baby. I miss you.

You have a cute butt.

A few thoughts before bed...

Tonight was a good night. I missed a call from a florist, though, so that was a bummer. I didn't check the machine when I came in, sadly, so evidently, I didn't get my flowers today. Hmmm. Wonder who might send me flowers?

I mentioned on my LJ that I actually took some initiative this weekend, and get a few things accomplished that needed to get done, like tracking down the information for the OCS office and getting the PT test moved to December instead of October so it would be a stronger packet, and I'm actually really proud of myself.

I also emailed the ROTC program at UTSA and asked about doing PT with them. Gah. I'll be getting up at about 0530 three days a week, so I'm going to be exhausted, but I need the extra PT and it's going to be good for my PT test and my weight. God, I'd adore being able to take a PT test and not have to be weighed afterward because I was actually under my allowed weight. It would be a first for me.

I don't know where the cojones are coming from, but I'm likin' this not being scared of my own shadow thing. It's translating to the civilian side, too, since tonight I had a table of Toyota folx, from Japan, and I actually got up the guts to thank them in Japanese. You have to understand- I loathe the idea of being laughed at, but they seemed thrilled that I bowed and tried to thank them in their own language. I'm pretty danged proud of myself!

Last Saturday, I went to Vespers at church, and for the first time, I felt like I belonged, rather than being tolerated because I was John's wife. No, no one has *EVER* been rude, or unfriendly, it's just me. I take a looooooooooong time to feel like I fit in, but I helped tidy up, cleaned up the candle stands, lit the center candle and put out the books and it felt right. It felt like I was doing the right thing and I loved it.

Not sure who this chick is who's taking over my life, but I like her!

BTW...

I will be attending FenCon, so Tim, I'd love to meet up for lunch at some point.\

:-)

An idea of scale

Just to give you an idea of how much scaffolding there actually is.
 

Further left.

 

On the left.

 

Facing the narthex

On the right back wall. 

Stunning.

 

Behind the altar.

I can't remember what this area is called. 

In the altar

In the altar, to the left of the window. 

 

On the back wall, up high

On the back wall, above the balcony.

 

Lower and zoomed in a bit. 

For this picture, I'm standing on the scaffolding. The top of the iconostasis is in the lower right hand corner of the picture. 

Installing the new icons

Standing at the left of the iconostasis, looking up. I'm using the Nikon, but the light was starting to go and I don't remember enough about the camera to be able to compensate for it too well.

Expect more of these. 

Busy busy busy....

EDIT: It's assembled! The floor is now glowing, but it's assembled. Go me! I kick ass!


Today was rather busy. Tomorrow will be more so, then I have drill this weekend.

I'm hoping to get to Vespers on Saturday and have Confession. Maybe I can take Communion next week. It's been far far far too long since I've been able to take it. Drat. Nope. I have a 5k to run next weekend with my brother. The weekend after that is FenCon in Dallas.

Anyway, back to today. Had 2D art today, so I need to get my composition finished this weekend. It's due on Tuesday, so I need to get moving on it. The components are done, just need to cut them up and make the "quilt."

After school, I put some books in the mail for PaperbackSwap, went to Jo-Ann's for orange fabric for the Ugly Fabric Quilt, swung by the Cingular store to reduce my minutes, and then...came home to do some sewing.

Got the orange borders on the quilt, and I was going to put Flying Geese all the way around, but...screw that! They'll go on the top and the bottom and that's it. Then, I can batt it, back it and get ready to quilt that puppy. It's due this month, so I'll actually get it done. Go me.

I'm going to keep working on the PTSD quilt. I really only need to make a few more squares and I can get them ready to assemble into a top, and then...maybe I can get it done. Then, I'll start a new one, 'cause I think I'm going to be struggling with this stuff for a while.

Ah well. I'm off to be busy.

QOTD:

"I'm pretty sure if you velcro a howdah to a hamster you go to the special hell."

Cold hard reality...

It's funny, but I've managed to almost convince myself that I'm really doing just fine.

You know, I get up, I go to school, I don't scream and I usually make it to work on time. So, for all intents and purposes, I'm doing fine.

See, if you look in the window, it all looks good. The lights are nice and bright, and rugs are straight on the floor, the chairs are all upright and tidy. The books are on the shelves and the pictures hang on wall, neat as a pin.

It's a lie. I know it doesn't look like it, but it's all a lie. That neat tidy room...it's a painted screen. It's all flat and one-dimensional, like the backdrop for a play, but it's all I've got to hang on to. If you step behind that screen, it's a bit of a different story most days.

Oh, don't get me wrong, there are days when it's just peachy in here. There are days when I don't curl up in a ball and sit in the corner wondering why in God's name I'm still here when so many others aren't.

There are days when it doesn't look like some sort of whirling dervish went through here at 900 mph, flinging things this way and that, yanking the pictures down.

There are days when I don't feel like clawing at the walls until my fingers bleed, days when I don't feel like throwing things because it's the only way I can think of to actually get some of the poison out of me.

Those are the days I sew. Those are the days when I pull out the PTSD quilt and I look at it in pieces and try very carefully to sew it all up again. To make the lines straight and the points pretty, to control something in my life, to manage to put something back together from this whole experience.

Some days I just try to keep breathing, telling myself that "This, too, shall pass." It will, I know that, but it can be really hard to explain depression to those who don't actually share a life with it. I saw a commercial today, and it had people wandering around with scales chained to them. Think of it that way, only you're chained to a huge gaping Pit that will suck you in and down and down and down and down until you can't see the top and daylight is only a memory. The air at the bottom of the pit is thick and heavy, so heavy that you feel like you're walking around with a huge heavy blanket over you all the time.

Sometimes, finding a ladder is easier than others. Sometimes that ladder even reaches the top of the Pit. Sometimes, though, climbing the ladder makes you so damned tired you just want the rung to break under you and *whup whup whup whup* you're back where you started.

I hate writing this all down, putting it in black and white (or grey and dark grey as the case may be) because John's already worried about me. He's worried about how I'm holding up and whether or not I'll still be in the same county as my rocker when he gets back. (I'm already off it. Right now, though, I think it's still in sight, but it could be a mirage...)

No, I'm not going to do anything stupid.

I'm fine right now. Part of this is hormonal, part of this was just me being honest on my post-deployment health assessment.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go sew and get ready for work.

Highlights from our conversation last night...

"No, you can't name the dog Publius Cornelius Whateverus Scipio Africanus!"

"But why not?"

"Because he'll go over to the neighbors' yards and burn the other dog houses down."

"What's the problem?"

*********************************************************************************

"Oh, that's Mr. Atkinson. He's a little weird. Just say 'Hail Caesar!' and give him five bucks when you walk by him and he's happy."

********************************************************************************

"No, you can't have war elephants. You can have war hamsters, though."

"Have you ever seen a howdah on a hamster?"

"Well, yes. But it was a very small howdah."

"....*giggle snort*...*giggle giggle giggle*...you are so weird."

*********************************************************************************

I swear we're the only folx who call each other from theater to have strange convos about Hannibal, burning Carthage, and Ruling the World in Three Easy Steps! (tm) (Actually it was four. Step one- Conquer the world. This step may take some time, so be patient! Step Two- Lather. Step Three- Rinse. Step Four- Repeat.)

If I haven't mentioned it lately, I love my husband.

Glory to God!

IT'S RAINING!

And not just a few desultory sprinkles either.

In other news...insomnia sucks. I didn't fall asleep until almost 0400 and when my alarm went off, I turned it off and went back to sleep. Not good. At least today was a working day in 2D art and I'm not missing anything major.

*snerk*

This is hysterically funny. It's no less funny because it's true.

Note to self:

Get up. Get your stuff ready for tomorrow. You'll be sorry if you don't and you know it.

The LawDog Files: Ask, and ye shall receive:

The LawDog Files: Ask, and ye shall receive:

Yes, Virginia, there really is a fried Twinkie. No, Virginia, I've never had one.

Just in case you needed something more to make your arteries hate you...

Isn't that special?

Wow. You know, I used to find Bill Maher mildly amusing. Now, not so much so.

*giggle giggle giggle*

Heh. Feel free to try this proven technique for defending your home and life!

(Meanwhile, I'm gonna be over here grabbing my cutlass or a chair or something to beat the ever living daylights outta some Socially Disadvantaged Critter...)

Wheeeee!

I've been busy and cleaning quite a bit. Most of it's just de-cluttering, but I've got a bit of trash picked up, too. I've got a bag of clothes I never wear any more to take to the donation box and a bunch of junk mail ready to visit the compactor.

I've also vacuumed the dining room and the living room. I am mighty! (Well, I am until I start thinking about the amount of laundry I need to do and then fold...)

However, I'm making myself get this stuff done before I start playing with the new sewing machine. No, I didn't get the really fancy-schmancy one, but I did get one that will last for several years and will hold me until our tenth anniversary rolls around. :-)

One of the things I find amusing...

Is the presumption that soldiers are trigger-happy. I see it all the time, most recently on John's blog.

Soldiers, the ones who have to deal with the actual consequences of war and pulling the trigger, aren't the ones who are trigger-happy. Nope, it's the ones who Monday-morning-quarterback the soldiers; those corpulent masses who sneer down their noses at the men and women in the mud, the men and women who weigh the decision to pull the trigger pretty heavily, even though it may not be at that exact moment, those are the ones who are trigger-happy.

If anything, the military wants, when all is said and done and we are committed, to go in and get our job done quickly and with as few casualties as possible. We're prepared, professional and lethal, and it's what we should be. Men or women who pull the trigger to watch people die aren't soldiers or professionals, they're psychotic. There's a difference, but I think it may be lost on some folx.

Here are some quotes that I find interesting. I'll start with the most offensive thing I think I've ever read.

It seems like such a terrible shame that innocent civilians have to get hurt in wars, otherwise combat would be such a wonderfully healthy way to rid the human race of unneeded trash. ~Fred Woodworth

(If you're interested, Fred Woodworth is an anarchist. Recently he's had to undergo some major surgery and bills are piling up. I'm pretty tempted to send him a donation, and make sure that he knows it's from that unneeded trash. If you're so inclined, do the same.)

War is an ugly thing, but not the ugliest of things. The decayed and degraded state of moral and patriotic feeling which thinks that nothing is worth war is much worse. The person who has nothing for which he is willing to fight, nothing which is more important than his own personal safety, is a miserable creature and has no chance of being free unless made and kept so by the exertions of better men than himself.
--John Stewart Mill--

War is cruelty. There's no use trying to reform it, the crueler it is the sooner it will be over.
--William Tecumseh Sherman--

Army: A body of men assembled to rectify the mistakes of the diplomats.
--Josephus Daniels--

Diplomats are just as essential in starting a war as soldiers are in finishing it.
--Will Rogers--

Being in the army is like being in the Boy Scouts, except that the Boy Scouts have adult supervision.
--Blake Clark--

Discipline is simply the art of making the soldiers fear their officers more than the enemy.
--Helvetius--

Every man thinks meanly of himself for not having been a soldier.
--Samuel Johnson--

Gates of Vienna: Death Cult Kids

Gates of Vienna: Death Cult Kids

I haven't gotten a chance to see the video they're talking about, but if the quotes are true...

*sigh* How sad it is that children are being taught their worth is how well they can die for their god.

Peace when Arab mothers love their children, indeed.

I found a bunch of stuff while wandering teh intrawebs....

You know...sometimes they shouldn't let me out by myself. :-)

The USS Neverdock has some interesting stuff from over a year ago regarding "Islam - Tactics for World War IV". Shortly after that, the USS Neverdock posted some information about those tactics being put into practice.

Today, the Infidel Bloggers Alliance has some info on appeasing Muslims in Britain, and all over the world, and the idiotic steps that are being taken in the name of "tolerance."

I really hate the fact that I'm becoming less and less tolerant, but it seems that I'm becoming less tolerant of a religion that wants to destroy our civilization and for that...I just don't know how to feel. I just don't know how to seperate the "moderate" Muslims, who want to live in the West and at least try to assimilate into our culture, and the ones who would like to see us all living by sharia law and paying taxes to exist in dhimmitude?

On the topic of nukes in the Middle East...why is it that we're spazzing about Iran getting nukes, but seem to be rather blase about the fact that Israel's got enough to turn the world into a self-lighted glass parking lot? Another post from Infidel Bloggers Alliance has an interesting take on it: Nuke Iran? Altas May Shrug.

Well, that's my contribution to the blogosphere today. We'll have to see what happens tomorrow. :-)

Gates of Vienna: Die Dummen Schweden

Gates of Vienna: Die Dummen Schweden

Oh look! The Swedes have voted themselves out of existence.

Yeah, but at least they won't be offending anyone with their Swedishness anymore.